Broken into Pieces
by Hikarifanfics
Summary: Jun was one step behind his childhood friend. He hated him self, he hated the world. He tried hard to do his best, but it wasn't enough. And because of this, he wouldn't let her know how much he loved her.
1. Chapter 1

Everything seemed like it was the same. This world was monotonous and dark. A forever repeating process.

He hated it.

He hated how everything had a rule you had to follow, how everything seemed to make you stuffed up and uncomfortable, how it made you not be able to express how you feel.

But, what he hated the most was his weak heart.

.

Jun lay on his bed as he stared at the wall. The night air was cold and he pulled his blankets closer and curled up against his pillow. He squeezed his eyes shut, clutching his blankets so hard his hands were beginning to turn red.

He couldn't get to sleep. His mind the whole day was filled with nothing but the girl, and even now she still haunts him in the depths of his thoughts.

Hikari was his childhood friend, best friend, and even a rival. She was the girl that was always one step ahead of him; ahead of everything he did and said, and even trying with his best effort, he couldn't catch up to her pace, even though he often threw her off her own pace and into his.

The boy sighed. "Hikari," he mumbled as he rolled back and forth in his bed, trying to find a spot that was most comfortable for him.

She was the champion of Shinnoh, something that was his dream for as long as he could remember. He had always wanted to be just like his father, out pass him, stand next to him in glory, but he knew that it was all just a dream when he couldn't beat her for their first battle, and even when he couldn't stop her from going to fight the Elite Four, the last battle they've had in a long time.

.

_The small blue Pokémon jumped back as the chimp Pokémon finished its Scratch attack. It stumbled back on its feet before quickly regaining balance._

"_Piplup! Use peck!" shouted Hikari._

_Piplup charged. Moving as fast as it could, one foot in front of the other in amazing speed, as neared the small chimp._

"_Dodge it!" yelled Jun, knowing all too well that his Chimchar wouldn't be able to handle the next direct attack if it hit. "Quick!" _

_Chimchar turned its head and quickly found a spot to jump to, but before it could move, the penguin Pokémon had already neared it enough to jump into its Peck attack. It jumped forward, and before the small fire-monkey could move, Piplup's beak was already digging itself into the Chimchar's stomach. The fire-monkey flew back, skidding in the dirt. _

_It was knocked out._

_Hikari had won._

_._

_Jun slid in front of the girl, blocking her from grabbing the handle to the door. "Hikari! Let's have a battle!" _

"_Huh?" She gave him a strange look, but didn't take him seriously at all. "Jun, just move."_

_He shook his head. This was his dream. If he couldn't beat her, if he couldn't beat her then it was all useless. "Come on, Hikari, if you can't win against me then you don't have a chance against the Elite Four! Let's call this a warmup. So, how about it, Hikari? Will you battle with me?" He pulled out one Pokéball and smiled. "One on one." _

_She weakly smiled. She thought this was a bad idea, but she knew that he wouldn't let her say no. "Alright, one on one."_

_She pulled out a Pokéball. "Go Empoleon," she said softly. She clicked the small button the Pokéball and a large white beam of light flashed to the ground. When it vanished, in the same spot the light had once been, a large penguin stood tall and proud. _

_Jun did the same. "Go Infernape!" he shouted. Just opposite of the Empoleon stood his Infernape. Long, large flames spewed out of it's head. "Alright! First attack! Use Dig!"_

_The Inferno jumped up, claws becoming apparent on its hands, and dived down into the ground, becoming completely unsealable._

"_Mist!" shouted Hikari as a counter attack._

_The Empoleon opened its long beak and a fine, white mist poured out of its mouth and covered the battle field in a shroud of fine, white, sparkling mist._

_Inferno jumped up just feet in front of the unmoving Empoleon. It looked around, not being able to see anything in the mist._

"_Now use Hydro Pump!" she shouted._

"_Doge it!" shouted Jun in response._

_The Inferno stood still, looking around in confusion while trying to find its opponent, listening and looking for anything it could find as a hint to where the other Pok_émon_ might be. _

_A large swirling blast of water ripped through the white mist and hit the Inferno spot on in the chest, causing it to be blasted back to near its trainer. _

"_Come on, Inferno, get up!" he shouted in desperation._

_The girl smiled. "Okay, Empoleon, now finish it off with another Hydro Pump!" _

_The Inferno struggled to its feet. Another hit and it was over._

_And it was. _

_The large Emperor Pokémon scanned its eyes until it could see small traces of the fire-monkey's large, burning flame. It opened its beak and released another large, swirling blast of water._

_The Inferno, after receiving yet another fatal blow, fell to its knees. _

_Hikari had won._

_._

Jun shook his head. He was a pathetic trainer. He couldn't do anything right and always rushed things. He was ashamed of himself.

A light flashed in the window.

He sat up and looked up at his window.

Another flash came.

The boy stood up on his bed and opened the window. He stuck his head out. There on the ground stood a blue-haired girl who held a flashlight that pointed up to his window. "Hikari!" he shouted in surprise.

"Be quiet!" she scolded him, placing her finger to her mouth.

"What are you doing here?" he asked quietly enough for her to hear him.

She waved her hand. "Come down here."

He closed the window and jumped down off his bed. Quietly, he ran down the stairs and outside to meet her. "What?" he asked as he rounded the corner and saw her.

She smiled. "Let's go." She ran over to him and grabbed his arm, pulling it as she moved forward

"Go where?" he asked, struggling to get free.

"Honestly," she sighed, "where would we go at this time of night? We're going to Lake Verity, of course."

He moaned, but let the girl guide him over to the entrance. She let go of his arm and looked up at the large trees guarding the entrance. She turned to him and smiled. "Ready?"

"For what?"

"It's a surprise," she giggled happily. "Come on, let's go, let's go."

They both walked into the entrance of the lake. Jun's eyes were glued toward the girl, not paying attention at all to the lake.

"Look." Hikari pointed in front of them.

Verity Lake was packed full of Gyarados and Magikarp all swimming together. The Magikarp would jump up—the soft light from the moon would hit their red scales and allow them to glow, aided along by the water that would sparkle as the wind would blow it off of them and into the air. They would glow as they jumped and as they hit the water, they would evolve into the Atrocious Pokémon.

They stood and watched as all the Magickarp would try and evolve themselves into Gyaradoses, only a small portion not being able to. The large group of old and newly evolved Gyarados swarmed together and stayed together as they swam around the lake and eventually diving deep into the water.

As they watched the final scene, Hikari grabbed his hand and squeezed.

He flinched. She could be so open with her feelings and be as free as a Butterfree. She was everything he wanted to be and more, so much more.

He hated it.

Everything.

But he loved her.

He loved her so much more than she could ever know. That was why he would let her go on with her life and never know, even if it were to break him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jun stood in his backyard in the early hours of the afternoon when the crisp sunlight was high in the sky. His blond hair blew slightly in the breeze, but draped over his face, and his arm. It stood pointed out, only the pointer finger dropped, pointing out to where is Haracross looked back in question at the sudden halt of his trainer's orders

Another breeze came and a tear fell. He shoved his hand into his face. The boy struggled to stop the leaking tears from his face. He dug his fingernails into his forehead.

She had it all; everything he couldn't get and more she had yet she wanted none of it. A moment of glory. He'd be be standing on a stage with millions of people calling his name.

"_Jun."_

He flinched and looked around. His Haracross poked his leg after sensing its trainer's distress.

The blond took his hand off of his face and looked to the Pokèmon. "Make it stop." He grabbed himself. His knees buckled and he collapsed to the ground. "Make it stop," he pleaded.

For once, couldn't he do anything right?

"Jun!" His mother's voice pierced his ears from the kitchen window. "Hurry up and get inside! Hikari's waiting for you."

Hikari, he thought.

.

_The blue-haired girl girl knocked on her next door neighbor's door. Once Jun heard her knock, he would come bolting down the stairs. His mother was making her way over to the door from the kitchen when he ran by. She raised her fist and yelled at him to slow down. _

_He didn't_

_He kept on running._

_Jun jumped to the doorknob and pulled it open. And there greeting him was a smiling blue-haired and rosy-cheeked girl, holding a small basket of cookies that had just come out of the oven._

.

Hesitation filled the air as he reached for the doorknob. His fingers froze before they could wrap themselves around the sliver ball. He breathed in and tried to regain his calm.

It didn't work.

The mere thought of the girl made him not want to answer the door. It made him angry and sad; and, also, it made his heart pound, but this was a much different feeling he felt as a child rushing to answer the door to his best friend.

It was simple, he thought. His selfishness was his own fault. He had circumscribed their relationship himself, not that it was any use against the girl as she was constantly pushing through that barrier.

He loved her. This wasn't just a childish crush anymore; this was the real thing ans what he felt proved that. It wasn't the child crush he had, but the boy—the boy that had been through each and every hardship with her, pulled her back from oblivion and had the same done to him, and even found found moments of pure happiness in which he indulged himself in her smile and basked in her radiance, that boy was still a child; if anything, he had only become more childish over the span of his childhood until now. Thoughts that he knew weren't true would pollute his mind, he embraced them with open arms and accepted them as truth.

Jun looked up. The girl stood holding the door open with a somber face as she looked to her best friend. Their pain was mutual, even if it went unnoticed by them both. Hikari tried to smile but it only came out as a small stretch to her lips, not even a curl. She looked to the kitchen where his mother was, and quietly suggested:

"How about we make some cookies like we did in the old days?"

Old days, Jun thought. Had it actually been that long? But the words remained unspoken as he scrambled as he scrambled to his his heart.

"Sure." He scratched his head and turned toward the kitchen. "Since my mom's using the kitchen, we're doing it at your house." It was a statement rather than a question.

The two walked back with the indomitable silence as a third person, looming over them with harsh and brittle feelings. Not a word was spoken the whole time as the two walked side by side until they reached the girl's kitchen where she searched the cupboards and pulled out two white tubs.

"Chocolate chip or sugar cookies?" she asked, holding each respective tube a bit higher as she called their names.

"Sugar," he replied, knowing she had a slight favor of sugar cookies over chocolate chip.

She smiled half at him and half at the image of the finished cookies. The blue-haired youth carefully placed the extra tube of cookie dough back on the shelf in the cupboard and rummaged through the sliver wear drawer before pulling out an ice cream scooper. Jun had already pulled out a pan and was busy spraying it down with baking spray. Hikari cleared off a small space on the counter next to him for the tube of cookie dough. She stuck the scooper into the cookie dough, grabbed the boy's hand and placed a large wad of dough smack in the middle of it.

"What?" He looked at the cookie dough skeptically.

"The cookies don't roll themselves," the girl remarked with a chuckled.

He knew he should have expected such a thing. The girl had the weirdest ways of chewing him up. A smile rolled onto his face and he let out a lighthearted laugh. His hands pressed together and began to roll the dough softly into his hand until it was a perfect circle. By the time he placed the small, circular ball on the pan, Hikari had already finished three and was just about to place her fourth.

She caught his eyes scanning her uneven mess of dough on the pan in comparison to his, she remarked, "They don't need to be perfect. Mine certainly aren't."

"Yours can be a glob of mess, but mine won't be," he huffed, getting another handful of dough placed into his hand.

After awhile, Hikari stopped rolling cookies and chose to lean against the counter and watch her best friend as he finished rolling his cookies. She had already filled up half of the pan and decided Jun could have the other half for his ideal of a perfect cookie. Though, the main reason was simply for the fact that she wanted to prove him wrong—her cookies would be just fine, they'd most certainly _taste _the same as his at the very least, if not look about the same as well. And after Jun had finished his cookies, she placed them into the oven and set the timer. She preoccupied herself and the boy by telling the blond how absolutely stupid he looked when she seen him earlier that day sleeping with his mouth open.

Jun's face turned into a tomato in embarrassment. "What were you doing in my house? You're _too _carefree."

She pouted. "I was just looking for you."

The blond's eyes became distant as he remembered when the girl came crying to him, that one time, once and only once.

.

_Her body was shaking furiously as her petite hands clutched onto his jacket. Tears down poured onto his shirt, making damp spots all over. He tried to touch the girl, to hold her tighter to him, but she pushed away when she felt his fingers touch her back. She kept her outstretched hands on his chest and ducked her head, she cried: _

"_I was scared. Jun, I was so scared!" The only movement she made was her nonstop shaking. _

_He placed both hands on her arms and pulled the girl toward him, embracing her so tightly they both hurt. _

"_I'll protect you." _

_It broke his heart._

_._

"Are they done?" Jun looked into the rectangular space of see through glass and into the oven.

"They'd ding."

The alarm went off. Jun glanced back into the oven one last time. If he were to touch the hot pan right now, he wouldn't hurt nearly as much as his heart did. It was filled with joy and happiness. However, even that was tainted bittersweet and it stung; it sung so much that he could cry forever and it still wouldn't stop. He loved her too much.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a lethargic warmth that Jun felt. It swept over his whole body and wrapped around him like an Arboc to its prey. And he liked it. He liked the tingling feeling that it left and the pleasant feeling of being embraced. Opening his eyes was something he didn't want to do, yet the feelings slowly subsided and cracks of light began to fill the nothingness. When he opened his eyes, Hikari was looking down at the boy with a smile, waiting for the moment their eyes would meet.

"Afternoon, sleepyhead." Hikari slipped her fingers back into Jun's hair. He twitched, wanting to refuse the girl's action, but was unable to do so as her fingers were too soothing to the half asleep boy. His face became a deeper shade of red with every scratch.

Finally, he worked up the nerve. "That's enough," he ordered as he shot up from her lap, slapping away her hand. He placed his fingers on the place the girl's hand had been and gently rubbed it.

"You don't remember, do you?" The sudden words made Jun flinch and Hikari crease her brows even more. "Like I said, Jun, if you'll pay any attention at all this time, is that you've been acting weird since awhile ago. I didn't say anything up until now because I was worried, but really, what's wrong?"

His heart stopped and his eyes dilated. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to just up and bluntly say that his problem was her—her perfectness that always seemed to showcase all of his worst points—and himself—for his unjust feelings of jealousy and longing for the perfectness that she possessed, yet had the audacity to even say he had _feelings _for her? How was he supposed to say that? How was he supposed to say all these jumbled up feelings in his head? He didn't know. He didn't know what to say and how to say it. And honestly, he wasn't sure what exactly he was thinking.

Hikari was his precious person. He wouldn't let himself say something to hurt her. It was obvious he was capable and that he was struggling. He needed someone to talk to.

.

_Jun looked up at a tree. With his petite size, the tree looked like a giant monster. To a seven year old, this was one boss who was easy to defeat. He put his hands on the branch closest to the ground and lifted himself up, repeating this same process until he was sitting on a branch opposite a small window, closed off by curtains. _

_The window was never locked and Jun took that to his advantage. He pushed the window up and jumped. His foot lost balance on the windowsill causing him to topple through the window an land on the floor, the curtains coming with him._

_Kouki sat on the bed with a book on his lap. He looked down at the boy with disdain. "At least use the door." _

_Part of the curtain that was wrapped around the blond fell over his eyes, but his smile was seen clearly through the mess._

"_I don't have time to deal with you, Jun." _

.

Jun leaned against the cold oak of his friends doorway. Kouki sat at a desk and clicked the mouse to his computer as images started to pop up. He didn't look at Jun. "I don't have time to deal with you, but you at least came through the door this time."

The blond half-heartily smiled.

Kouki finally looked at Jun and sighed. He clicked the power button to the monitor and spun his chair so he could see his bed. "Have a seat. You came here to talk anyways, so talk."

"It's about Hikari."

"Have a seat."

"But you're—"

"Jun, just sit down and talk or I really will kick you out."

He grinned. They both liked Hikari in the past, and even though Kouki said he'd given up, he knew his best friend still liked her. It was wrong, but he needed someone to talk to. He sat down on the bed and leaned into his arms. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love her so much that I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her if I say something bad. Kouki, what do I do?"

Kouki leaned his cheek into his palm and raised his eyebrows. _Isn't the answer obvious?_ he thought. "Get over yourself. There's always going to be someone better than you and worse than you. So what if she's better? What if she's the champion of Shinoh? Isn't she Hikari? Deep down she's the girl you love, Jun. The only person who's changed is you. She's still the insecure and scared little girl that tries to act tough that you use to know."

Jun looked away. He hugged himself. "I know!" he barked. "I know already."

"Scardy cat," Kouki hissed.

"Smarty pants."

They both stuck out their tongues and laughed. It was just like old times, and Jun longed for redemption of his wrongs. Who was he anymore? Where had the good old _Jun _gone to?

The blond breathed in and leaned back into the bed. "I really love her."

"I know," Kouki said. He placed both his elbows into the armrests of his chair and leaned onto his folded hands. "So do I, Jun. So do I."

"What?"

He shook his head. Then he got up and walked to the boy. He slapped him on the back and looked down at him, annoyance showing clearly in his eyes. "You've stayed long enough, now go before I really do through you out this window. And I do hope you'll get hurt."

"Not happening." Jun waved his hand and looked at his friend. There was no way he'd actually get hurt. Then he looked down to his legs. The spark of energy seemed to have left him and his mind once again became a blurry mess. "Can I spend the night?"

"No."

"I'll tell Hikari you kept a diary of what she did for a whole summer when all our families went on that summer camping trip that one time."

Kouki flinched. Just what he needed, Hikari thinking something's gone wrong with his brain. He turned away, but the blush on his face was evident. "I'm not like you."

He smiled. "Can I?"

Two could play that game.

"If you tell Hikari what's up. I'm sure she's worried sick." He placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, and for the first time actually showed genuine concern for the boy's well being. "I know it's been hard on you, but I'm—we're—worried for you. Hikari especially is. You're special to her, Jun. Hurry up and realize that."

Jun sat emotionless on the bed as he tried to absorb the words of his best friend. He couldn't be special to her, could he?


	4. Chapter 4

"_Jun, you're special to her."_

.

The blond sat on his bed staring at the wooden oak floors that had been there since he's always remembered. If they were words of truth or words of lie he really didn't know at this point. He didn't believe them, but he knew that just believing they weren't true doesn't mean that they aren't; he had experienced that many times over in his short life.

"Can't be true," he mumbled.

Or at least, not the way he felt for her. He had to be special in some regards, right? He was her childhood friend after all. They spent almost their whole lives up to this point together, so how could he not have some place in her heart? If he didn't, would she even bother to look at him, to talk to him, to pay attention to just about every detail about him, to know his heart inside and out better than he himself did?

"Can't be true."

Jun just couldn't convince himself. His so called "best friend" planted the seeds of what he didn't know were lies or truth in his mind and now they were budding, growing ever faster at an ungodly pass that he couldn't control. What would be left of him? He wasn't good enough for her.

Contamination.

Pureness.

A forever bond that can't be cut.

He just wanted these things to stop. He wanted and didn't want so many things, it was sick. It repulsed him at how greedy and selfish he could be, looking out for only himself even when he's thinking of someone else. How far will he go? How far can he go?

"Jun?"

A soft voice carried through the silent room as the blue-haired girl stood at the doorway looking at her childhood friend. It hurt her to see him like this, but she didn't know what to do. More than she was hurt, though, she was angry. She was angry at herself for not knowing what to do, angry at Jun for not telling her what was on his mind, angry at the word for doing this to them, angry at anger for making her feel like that.

"Jun," she said again in a demanding tone, much like his mother uses.

The trainer turned his head to her with a sigh coming out of his mouth. "I'm tired of this."

"So am I. I'm tried of so many things these days, and that includes you too, Jun." She looked away from his stare, her face obviously hurt and in pain. "I talked to Kouki and he said he talked to you about what's going on. He said you'd talk to me, but it's already been three days—three days and not once have I seen you come out of the house, and then your mom even said that you haven't been eating much or coming out of your room! What's wrong with you anymore?"

His heart pounded and ached. He didn't want to say it, but the words came out anyways:

"**You."**

She gasped, spinning her head to face him, tears almost streaming out of her face. His face, however, was a blank slate, his eyes nothing but a blurred over mirror that didn't even work. She slapped him and screamed at him to realize what she's done for him his whole life and left, running out of the room, past his mother who was in shock.

Jun silently closed and locked the door before his mother had the chance to goad him any further than she already had these past three days. He curled up inside his covers on his neat bed he hadn't dared touch until today, choosing to sleep on the floor or his desk, the comfort of a bed that provided him safety was something he felt he didn't deserve. And there, under the safety of his favorite blankets, he wept.

Tears of pain.

Tears of love.

Everything he held onto his whole life he left out in those tears. This would be the day that he would start fresh. He'd make up for his mistakes and become someone Hikari could admire—she didn't even have to admire he, all she had to do was say that she was proud of who he was. Was this asking for too much? But, the real question wasn't that: could he really change after all these years just like that?

The next day he went over to Kouki's place to talk to him about it. He didn't agree with him at all, saying he couldn't just up and changed all of a sudden like that, and pushed Jun out of his house before he drove him bonkers.

"Why not?" Jun grumbled as he walked home, his arms folded behind his head. "If I really want to, couldn't I?"

Instead of normally turning right to his house, he took a sharp left hand turn to Hikari's house. There, he stood in front of the small house and starred up into the window of his best friend. This house and his had held so many memories of them together in nicer times. Why couldn't it do the same? "Why couldn't the world stop making everything horrible?"

A muffled laughed came from behind the blond, to which he quickly turned around to face an older woman with dark blue hair—Hikari's mother.

She smiled at him after she finished laughing at his statement. Quietly, she breathed in and embraced herself for what she was about to say. As a mother, this was her job: to educate the children around her and make sure they grow up happy and healthy to the best of her abilities. "It's not the world's fault," she stated, with a small reassuring smile. "It may seem like it, and sometimes it really might be, but the one that's mostly causing all your problems is right there." The woman held out her finger and pointed it straight to the boy's heart.

"My heart?"

"You. Only you can change whether your life is good or bad. It's all in your mind. If you wish it, it will come true."

Jun didn't understand what she was saying and stood there looking at her in question. It was all his fault? He was doing this to himself? For what? To make him miserable? The boy looked to the ground as he became more and more conscious of the many times he had started to put himself down until all he could do was be negative about everything. Didn't he already know this? He just couldn't say it., couldn't admit it.

"Come in for dinner. You can talk with Hikari about this afterwords."

He agreed and followed the woman inside the house for dinner.

Hikari was sitting on the couch watching TV. She paid little to no attention to when the two walked in the house, chocking out a welcome back before she quickly immersed herself back into the television. Until Hikari's mother finished cooking, Jun sat down next to the girl he's known since childhood like she was some stranger he was meeting for the first time. Dinner, as you might have guessed, was much the same. No one really talked to anyone as they quietly at their food.

Once dinner was over Hikari and Jun were left in the kitchen washing the dishes as the girl's mother had to run over to the boy's house to help his mother with something that broke (The lock to Jun's room had broke from his mother's forceful entry into his room to find nothing there but a messy bed and an open window, much to her irritation).

She spoke none.

He thought about what he was going to say.

And it continued on until he put down his last dish and finally spoke to her in a soft, comforting voice like a parent would to a lost child:

"It's my fault I hurt you."

She looked to him finally, wondering what he was talking about. Though, half of her was happy for the simple fact that he was able to tell that she was indeed hurt by the way he was acting.

"It's my fault I'm like this. I don't really think it could be helped, but I really didn't want to hurt you."

The girl sighed. "We'll always hurt people and get hurt, it's just the way it works."

"But because I did, I felt I didn't have the right to tell you what I really felt. You know, Hikari—"

You have your whole life to do things.

So, start with the little things, step by step.

"_**I love you."**_

**-The End-**


End file.
